Combs: A Sirius Affair
by Done Gone Died On Us
Summary: My worst piece of fanfiction yet (I'd like to think), involves an Arranged Marriage in the MWPP era. Penname changed to avoid Mafia.


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DISCLAIMER: HARRY POTTER, AND ALL RELATED SYMBOLS, TRADEMARKS, IDEAS, WHATEVER, ALL OF THEM BELONG TO J.K. ROWLING, WARNER BROTHERS, SCHOLASTICS INC., BLOOMSBURY, AND ALL THE OTHER PUBLISHERS THAT I MAY'VE LEFT OUT. NEITHER IS ANY MONEY MADE OUT OF THE FOLLOWING, NOR IS THERE ANY COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED. THANK YOU,

-Your beloved author.

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Arranged Marriages are NOT a good idea

1

To name a child required great significance in his or her life. Usually, it was a task to be undertaken by the child's parents, or godparents, or someone equally important. Lily, Petunia, and Rose Evans were named after something so simple as flowers. What was even more unfortunate: They were all allergic to flowers. It was the only thing that they had in common but for having perfect husbands and families later in life. Of course, no one's life was perfect, but for the sake of this fanfiction, it would be as close as anyone could get. 

Lily, as you readers should undoubtedly be aware of, was a witch, which her family was not. She went to a little school with the name of Hogwarts. (if you didn't know that, I suggest you leave this section of this website to bigger and better things) Lily was rich and snotty, but popular. She was some wonder of a social butterfly.

Were you expecting me to say that she would turn nice and angelic as soon as James Potter, and his gang of Marauding best friends arrived? In fact, she did none of the above. Neither did the Marauders appear in the scene and magically befriend her in a matter of a day or two. For you see, they had always been her friends, they just conveniently forgot it, being the innocent, unknowing, mere children that they were. 

Lily, James, Gwyndolyn, Sirius, and Peter, along with four other children in their neighborhood, had been the talk of the little town that they had lived in the first nine years of their lives. All the other little children had always wanted to be in their little 'group,' imitating their every move and word, to try to be accepted by their friends as our heroes themselves were. They were very close friends, brought together by their strangeness. All of them had unmistakably magical qualities that the muggles chose to ignore and conceal. James and Sirius, being the wizard-born kids of the bunch, had informed them all about the secrets of Hogwarts, and Diagon Alley, and millions of other things that we have heard about in our beloved books by J.K. Rowling. 

When Lily's family had moved away, co-incidentally on the day that a new dark-wizard by the name of Voldemort had chose to attack the Potter and Black households, for they would be one of the few 'pure-blooded,' that refused to join the legions of the new wannabe-Salazar, her friends had forgotten her. Of course, they remembered by the way of letters (that Lily always found mysteriously appearing on her bedspread before she made it in the morning) and by the way of illusionary words. 'Best Friends Forever,' they had said to her, all eight, and had forgotten her for the sake of popularity as soon as they got to Hogwarts. It was a cruel world out there, and Lily's life had chosen to fall, jam side down, right on top of it. She had no father, and her mother was more superficial than a Gilderoy Lockhart that won another award for his smile. 

Surprisingly, Lily had an enormous amount of self-confidence. She was an image of perfection: beautiful, talented, charming, seductive, caring and considerate in the eyes of her friends (the student body), 'socially' humorous, and arrogant and spoilt to the marrow of every single bone in her body. At least it seemed so. We are yet to see her tire of her perfect façade.

Until today (whatever today is to you people who are reading it right now).

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Lily screamed in frustration. The respectful, and slightly loud murmur of the Great Hall faded promptly into shocked silence. When she recovered, Lily sat down as if nothing had happened; unfazed by her would-be-mortally-humiliating faux pas, but guess what? She was only Lily Evans. When the students, then the seldom frightened teachers, then nonchalant ghosts realized who their mysterious screamer was, they turned back to their scrambled (or moldy-in the case of the ghosts) eggs, and toast. The murmur resumed, and Lily ran off to the seventh year girls' hostel.

As soon as she entered the peace of her common room, she was met by her weak little protégé of a second year. To ordinary eyes, she would have been all of the above, but only Lily knew why she was put in Gryffindor. Patricia Figg was her name, and she was assistant, as well as niece of renowned *Au.Arabella Figg, one of the most respected Gryffindor Witches of the Century. She was a friend of Angelique Potter, who was the best friend of her nephew's best friend's mother, Rose Evans, who just happened to be Lily's mother also. Of course, the best friend wasn't and never would be Petunia because James hated her almost as much as Harry would, years later. 

"What's wrong Lily?" Pat quipped in her adorable little squeaky voice. Lily looked at her for a moment as if to say 'who dares interrupt THE Lily Evans in the process of contemplating her output of frustration.' When she saw that it was only Pat, dripping with her usual concern, her expression softened, and the usually arrogant princess spilled out her political problems.

"My mother has engaged me! This is just an absolute outrage!! She says she promised me to some FAMILY FRIEND at birth!!!!!! Can you even…Ugh! Can you even…begin to PERCIEVE, _IMAGINE, BELIEVE_ that?! I mean, HOW COULD SHE!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEE!!!! That is just absolutely horrendous, and heartless, and-oh Pat! That's just absolutely ridiculous! I have too many things to do! I couldn't possibly get **_MARRIED_**!!!" Lily calmed down eventually, down to a whisper. "I mean, I don't even_ know_ him! I could even stand marrying Sirius, or even James, but this man I don't even kn-" Lily stopped abruptly and her eyes grew round. She was struck by an idea.

"I could ask THEM!" 

"No, Lily, of course you couldn't. The Marauders are _popular_! You don't even KNOW them like you know everyone else!" Patricia, as an innocent second year, didn't know about the Marauders and Lily's previous friendships, and she, like the rest of the school, thought that it was only a childish, schoolgirl rivalry. Lily wasn't paying Patricia any mind, and she proceeded to drag her protesting form up the stairs and into the seventh year boys dormitory. They had never come down to Breakfast.

"Why Lillian, to what do we owe this unexpected visit?" Sirius was treating her as if nothing ever happened! How dares he?! Lily suppressed the urge to slap him. Forgive and Forget, she said to herself. It was Life, she would play her cards as she got them.

"Nothing Siri, my darling, but I need the services of the Marauders for a little issue I wish to resolve with Rose." Pat looked on, interested, but hardly looking it with her jaw sitting on the floor, and her eyes the size of golf balls. The boys were all in trunks.

"I left you guys the last bit of soap until the house e-" Remus Lupin emerged dressed in boxers, a robe, and fluffy slippers from the shower. His hair was darkened by its damp state.

"What is a girl doing in the dormitory?" he asked, his eyes narrowed.

"What's more it's the popular Lily Evans! Wow, who scored?!" Lily gave him a playful lift of the middle finger, and a tiny stare of the Evil Eye.

"Ooh, it was Sirius wasn't it?"

"No one scored you troll, it's only our dear Lillian, our stuck-up Lillian who just decided to forget about us now that she was magical." James spoke for the first time. 

The air tensed.

"_I _forgot about _YOU_? Is that what you think James? If anyone, YOU forgot about ME, 

so don't you talk! Besides, I wasn't asking you! You were, you still are, my best friend, and I love you to death! What's wrong with you anyway? You're being all moody and quiet and angry. Even more so then you were when you decided to forget me. I always knew you needed sweet humble Lily in your life, even when I get married to that stupid 'family friend' husband of mine, which reminds me, I'll be sure to come over your house and give you each a hug and a kiss every single living day of mine." Lily finished with a fond remembering smirk at each one of her childhood best friends.

Pat and Remus decided to take a seat at his bed and listened intently as they reminisced and argued, and finally, as they made up. 

"Who are you engaged to?" Sirius asked angrily. James turned and continued to stare out of the window by his bed. He didn't care, as he told himself. But only, his ears were the sharpest things on his body. Sirius asked again, except Lily was tuned out. Her attention was focused on James. Angelique, the **MIDD patient had died. She could see it in his eyes, and Sirius saw that she did.

"Lily, please, not everyone makes lemonade out of lemons like you do, please don't lecture him, he needs you most in his life right now d-"

"Sirius, I've grown up." Lily said, sadly, but truthfully. She went to his bed, and enveloped him in an awkward bear hug as they used to do when they were five. Sirius and Peter also got up and did the same, each sinking deeper and deeper in nostalgia. Remus and Pat sat on the bed just feeling more and more like third wheels. Sirius suddenly extricated himself from the tangle of body parts, and pulled Remus and Pat from the next bed into it also. 

The six were all grateful to have such friends, and the ones who didn't already, would get to know each other as well as they could.

2

Christmas approached, and by break, Remus and Sirius had spilled the beans, and the whole school knew about Lily, Pat, and the Marauders. 

Although, with the fun that they were having, pulling pranks during between-class breaks, and playing hooky, only to get detention in the Forbidden Forest, and casting Transfiguration charms on Aragog, the supposedly scary spider-friend of Hagrid's (Of course, in the end (being the spoilsport that he was) Remus turned him back into a spider before Hagrid even noticed) James almost forgot that he had neither parents nor a favourite aunt.

Now, Lily and Sirius loved James the most in the world. Rose would be his mother, and Mrs. Hugh (Sirius' grandmother) was his grandmother. His father, uncle, grandfather, and even great-grandfather would be Albus Dumbledore, being distantly related to Godric Gryffindor, who was distantly related to Albert Potter. In the end, it would all work out. Lily would be married to James, Sirius would be their best man, Remus would be their son's only confidante, not to mention best Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher, and don't even forget the Peter growing up to betray, and kill them and ruin the living's lives, while in alliance with the Dark Lord part. All in all, they would lead a pretty good life.

Christmas came about sooner than the six hoped, and they were looking forward to being lethargic and getting presents for it in the process. Things were not in the least going as well as they all planned. Sirius was keeping a secret, Pat and Remus were romantically involved, and Remus liked her a lot, but hated keeping secrets from her (which led to an obvious problem), Lily and James were becoming closer and closer, and it would have been good, except for their uncontrollable hormones, and Lily's arranged marriage. It was teenage chaos, moreover, they were the only ones staying over on break. Even Snape and co. left to enjoy the Scottish snow back in his own home in ***Edinburgh.

On Christmas Eve/Morning (it was almost four when they got back from Hogsmeade), things got particularly mushy as Sirius lay on the couch in front of the fire, pretending to sleep('Course he would listen, duh!).

Pat and Remus were on the loveseat, with the seat turned away from prying eyes, making out for all it was worth. Lily and James sat on opposite ends of the common room after a particularly embarrassing snowball fight.

"James, why are you acting this way to me? Why aren't we best friends anymore?" Lily asked pleadingly.

"Lillian, I've already told you, I don't like you like that, and you are getting married in only two more terms!" 'Ouch,' Sirius thought to himself, 'I wonder what Lily's going to say.' 

"Jamie, _I _don't like you like that either, but I am NOT getting married, no matter who the groom is. It doesn't matter if it's the greatest guy on Earth, I don't care, I WILL find my own life, I don't need my mother to arrange it for me! Plus, Mr. Arrogance, if you thought that I actually _liked_ you, where the hell have you been? You just _amuse_ me. This is Lily Evans you are talking to, you know, Head Girl, Most Popular, Most Likely to Succeed, Quidditch Commentator, no-no-no, where are YOU coming from, I haven't even turned legal, and guys are lining up to marry me! Do you think I would choose an arrogant 18 year-old, ugly little scrawny schitz with no sense of dress nor any brushes whatsoever? I don't think so! In fact, I think I _will_ marry that man that my mother chose for me; anything's better than you-you-you little-ugh!" James sat, his face blank, as Lily finished her speech and walked up to the dormitories, and slammed the door. James waited, she wasn't done yet.

She slammed the door about ten more times, each harder than the last, shaking the plaster from the walls to the red carpet on the floor. Sirius sat up.

"Are you okay?"

"Of course," James replied, his voice hoarse (probably from the cold) and his face losing some of its color. "she'll be back here in 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-aanndd…"

"JAMES POTTER!!!!!!!!" She glowed as she ran back to the common room, and half-tumbled down the stairs. Her hair fell loose from the quill she had maneuvered cleverly in it, and it was now stuck on the side of her mouth. She gave James a girlish 'necky' hug and dragged Sirius up from his comfortable position on the couch.

"Look what James got me!" she screamed at him loudly. Sirius took it, and looked at the little box in her hands suspiciously. It turned out to be a pair of emerald earrings, circular, and ending in a drop of, or rather a confused lump of white gold.

"I made it myself Lily. For you. So you wouldn't forget me when you had your thirty-fifth child with that handsome husband of yours; you know, the one that owns a brush?" James said. It came out normally, but only he knew how painful it was to say those few words. It would be one of the lasts that he said to his best friend as her best friend. For he knew, they would never again be just best friends. Only meager acquaintances. And Lily lost her composure that day, and cried in front of people for the first time in fifteen years. Sirius watched, amused at the triviality of the situation. People who loved each other sure got mushy over the smallest things. If he ever fell in love, he told himself that day, he would never get her any earrings for Christmas, nor would he ever make anything. Then what would he get her? He would get her a brush! They sure seemed to love those!!

3

School became tougher for Pat, and she and Remus broke up, mutually deciding that he was too old for her, a month after Remus told her that he was a werewolf. Besides, Rom Lupin, another second year was in _her_ year, so why bother making Remus wait until she graduated from Hogwarts? Plus, he was _so much cuter!_ Lily went on with her life, as did James, and they both pretended that they never knew one another, that the reunification never occurred, and that they had never seen the other bawling for their applesauce, and crawling around in only diapers. Lily always wore the earrings, and never took them off but to bed until she died. It wasn't for her to look good, or show off the costliness of them, but only because it pleased James. 

And it wasn't at all in vain. Indeed it did please James to see Lily wearing his earrings. He had transfigured them. It required blood sacrifice, and bonded their magicks for life, it had required quite a lot of coaxing to Madame Pince, and a drop of blood each day for two weeks, which was quite painful (it would have taken longer had he not been such a powerful wizard). It was a good thing no one noticed the green color of his index finger, he knew no healing charms for intentional, magical spell wounds.

The two lead characters were having denial problems, but the one who suffered the most was Sirius. In the midst of all the over-sentimental conversations with Lily about James, and to James about Lily, and to Remus about his werewolf senses (that he regretted in turn causing it to become self-pity) Sirius hardly had any time to be his own cheery self. He would often burst in frustration in History of Magic, when Moony was off in the Infirmary, and James and Lily sneaking occasional glances. The students in class would look at him funnily, and then turn around and get right back to their nap or notes-passing. No one even had the sense to investigate, which bothered the perky teenager even more. And then, atop it all was his secret. 

He had kept it for almost eight years, and it caused an annoying tingling sensation in his brain. The weeks since Auntie Angelique died, even his family was being exceedingly emotional, and thus, annoying. His grandmother would often send him tearstained letters about good times that they would have (over tea at Rosie's house. She made the best tea with rose hips and lemon in it). And since Lily refused to talk to Rose for 'marriage' situation, Sirius ended up being their messenger. The full moon was tomorrow, and nothing was worse than a single-lovesick-on the rebound werewolf roaming about Gryffindor tower. Except maybe teenagers in denial. He had to do something, he decided. It would be Sirius Black to the rescue (as always), and they would all stop moping and go away, leaving him to sneak into Hogsmeade (they were forbidden because of the Dark Wizard, Voldemort.)

Sirius tried all the tricks in the book, but he under-estimated Lily and James. They both knew each other, and him too well to fall for any of his 'flowers, candy, and stuffed animals and/or poetry each day through the owl, and then secret admirer invitation to the Astronomy tower' tricks. They would go along with his plan, and when they arrived at the Astronomy tower, pull a Sirius Black on Sirius Black himself. It had to be one of life's unsolvable mysteries the way that they always knew behind which suit of armor he was hiding.

He also tried locking them in a room together overnight, and spying through one of the glasses in that room. Lily had brought her Gobstones game with her, and as soon as they sat down, they started playing it. When they got tired of the game, they summoned snacks through the window (as the kitchen was just a few floors below them), pigged out, and went to sleep (on different couches, much to Sirius' dismay)

Sirius was about to give up, thinking that none of tricks worked, and he would never succeed in making them fall madly in love with each other, when his ex-girlfriend, Shayla Watson came along and seduced him. They became smitten, and things got complicated once more. One thing that Sirius didn't know was that Lily and James did fall madly in love with one another, and even before he had tried his tricks. James was angry with Lily for not loving him and getting married to someone they still didn't know (though Rose told Sirius and Sirius told James that he was handsome and built and captain of _his_ quidditch team.). Lily was angry with James for not loving her, and not falling for her irresistable charms, although she hated to admit it but to Sirius.

Seventh year, academically, was the easiest year for all of them, which came in quite handy. The teachers gave them next to no homework (however hard), and they were almost certified witches and wizards, which meant they could get away with anything as long as it wasn't sex, hookey, or alcohol (well, too much anyway). As Lily would say, 'All good things must come to an end to leave room for bad,' and Hogwarts was no exception.

In no time, the six were full-grown magical citizens of England. Pat, and Lily resided somewhere in a flat around Magnolia Crescent, a little away from where married Petunia Dursley was housed. James and Sirius lived with a thirty-year old Auror friend of Pat's Aunt, Arabella Figg, and Remus married Gwyndolyn, their other childhood friend. She was impregnated the day after they were married. They lived in Rowena's nest. Gwyn was a Ravenclaw and thus wasn't with the Marauders much through their journey in Hogwarts. Remus and Gwyn were involved on and off until 6th year, and permanently after seventh year. Pat was still liaison-ing with Rom, Remus's brother. 

Lily was due to get married the next week. She had convinced her mother to put off the wedding for a year, and at nineteen, she would be the youngest Lily Pitt in the world. That was his name. Something Pitt. She refused to meet him, swearing that she would only be married to him by name, and not by heart, or by anything else that belonged to her. She tried losing contact with James, but couldn't, as Sirius would come over almost everyday, bringing James with him.

One such day…

"Pass the pepper please."

"Why, is my soup not peppy enough for you?"

"Lily please, just give him the pepper."

"Thud"

"You don't _have_ to get angry, you're the one that's getting married and forgetting about us. You should be happy!"

"Hmph. I don't have time for this. I'm getting married in a week. Anger causes wrinkles, right?"

(Someone clears their throat)

"Pat? Right?"

"Uhh."

"Hahahahahaha!" (That was Sirius, at this point, three pairs of eyes fix upon him)

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing! Haha! Nothing!"

"Sirius?"

"Whhaaat?maha. hm…Do you have anymore tea left in the pot?"

"Sigh-No, you just drank it all."

"Oh."

"I'm getting married." (James)

"To whom?"

"Rose has found me someone."

"Haha!" (Sirius again.)

"Oooohhh! I get it!" (This is Pat. She just found out what was so funny.)

"What?" (Lily and James together)

"haha, that is ironic isn't it?"

"Yeah, Pat, I can't believe it took you this long. I thought you were smart!"

"Hey, I can't help it, you ARE a good secret keeper?!"

"What the hell are you two on about?"

"Yes, we'd like to know!"

  
"You'll find out soon enough."

"Uh-huh, and I'd like to borrow your camera for a picture when you do at your wedding. We just found out who your bride and groom were Lily, James, you are going to CRY when you find out. Rose sure has some sense of humour!"

"What, are they ugly?"

"Well, not exactly, but they might as well be. I don't think you will last a day, the both of you, with your spouses." Lily and James frown. The explicit reader might have picked up on the clues and decided who the bride and groom were, but Lily and James, as well as a reader who didn't pay attention to the subtle hints that I'd left, shall soon discover at Lily's wedding.

3

Her dress was white, and expensive. It was something of a medieval family heirloom of the Potter Family. James, being legal, decided to give it to Lily as a token. After all, he'd the freedom to do so, atleast according to Albus Dumbledore. On the wedding invitation, both Lily and James had failed to notice that they were on the exact same time, date, place, and people as best man/maid of honor. Each believed only the other was not going to be present at their weddings and went on to get dressed in the same gothic cathedral. Rose pushed a costume clad Lily down the isle with Sirius at her side, to meet face to face with none other than James Potter. James, at the sight of her, fell splay-legged to the floor in a dead-faint, and Lily screamed out loud.

The old man, Father Fitzgerald, who was conducting the wedding stood, indifferently chewing his muggle bubble-gum and watching the happenings with vague interest. 

Patricia lifted James and almost as soon, he came to, and Lily stopped screaming. Still in shock, she fell to her knees to note his reaction. When James opened his eyes, he was faced with Lily, not a bit of emotion on her face but concentration: like she was observing an extinct specimen of boggleweed in Herbology class.

Lily was the first to speak. "This is my husband?" she swiftly turned her neck and asked Sirius. He nodded, eyes sparkling, and lips tight, as if he was trying not to laugh. "You don't have this on tape do you?" He nodded again, and burst out laughing, as he pointed to Rose, in the first row, with a muggle video camera in her hands. "Get up James, whether you liked it or not, _you_ are getting married to _me_. 'Cus I love you, and I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm on tape." James' expression turned from confused to blissful. He loved Lily, and Lily loved him. They were also getting married.

Needless to say, it was a pretty happy ending. Rose caught everything on tape, including the never-ending kiss that the bride and groom shared. When he kissed the bride, everyone got up and left, and Lily absently tossed the bouquet right to Sirius, who had Patricia by his side. Two hours later, they were still found sweet-talking to one another sitting on the porch of their home in Godric's Hollow (courtesy of Angelique, by her will.), still dressed in their wedding outfits. At that moment, Sirius decided that Arranged Marriages were the worst things one could do, next to getting transfigured earrings as a Christmas presents. Brushes would do just fine, thank you!

Fin.


End file.
